Thursday, December 24, 2009
In.Constant.DilemmaVery often I hated myself whenever I know that I dont know what I want in life. Other then wanting to slack and nua (as and when I like) and to only do the things I like (like cooking, baking, shopping, FB-ing etc). So when I do not have a job i freaked out, I panic, I seep into mild depression... I realised that I want a job, to give me a security of knowing what to look forward to for the next 1-3 years. I dont mind floating as long as I have ample money.
Anyway my point is, now that I have a temp job, likely to convert to perm unless i screw up big time, which is NOT IMPOSSIBLE, I feel so sian. I feel stupid and incompetant. But that is really cuz i have NO formal training yet, and there are like 10 abbre in just 1 sentence. How am i supposed to know?!?!?!?!?!? E.g. "In order to get the CFG done, you have to arrange for the PO and the ATD first. Look for your RD to check for the following CSE and HEA then send the PO and the ATD to Director to sign and approve." (of cuz in my example, all the abbre are made up ones). If you are a new staff, how would you know all these?!?!
Then I asked alot of qns, reconfirm alot of stuff, cuz everyone seems to be approaching one thing differently!!!! And there are alot of gaps to be filled, alot of "not confirmed yet". Its frustrating because [1] I am a fast mover at work. too many stoppage and i get ARGH!! [2] I know nuts about the inside runnings and people throw me so many things expecting me to KNOW what to do, how to do and how to answer.
I dont know how i will survive... *everything aside now, enjoy the festive seasons*
Merry Christmas everyone and hope 2010 will be a good year for us all.
When you dont feel loved (enough)… you wonder… if its worth it
♥ 
